The reason I haven’tÂ posted the New York City trip review yetÂ is that I’ve been sick the past several days.Â Â Erin and I co-wrote the review last week (about 6000 words),Â but I still need to add the photos.Â I’llÂ have it onlineÂ by the end of the week.
This was a strange illness.Â I had a mild cold near the end ofÂ the New York CityÂ trip, and I seemed to recover just fine.Â That was the first illness I’ve had this whole year.Â ButÂ several days later (this would be Mon, Oct 29), I woke up feeling terrible:Â fever, nausea, headache, sore throat, and massive fatigue.Â I finally dragged myself out of bed, made a fruit smoothie for breakfast, and then vomited it back up 20 minutes later.Â (Unlike many partially digestedÂ foods, fruitÂ smoothies still taste OK on the return trip — they’re just a bit warmer.)Â Consequently, I’ve been out of commission for the past few days.Â I’m feeling better today, and the fever has passed, but I still have a sore throat and feel a bit spacey.
My initial reaction to being sick (twice in two weeks) was annoyance.Â I had a busy week planned.Â I tried to get a little work done but couldn’t concentrate well enough to do anythingÂ worthwhile.Â At one point I got really confused trying to find a file folder I’ve accessed a hundred times before, only to realize I’d been looking in the wrong drawer.Â This isÂ why I haven’t done any blogging in the past week.
Eventually I opted to give in and go with the flow.Â So this weekÂ I mostly slept,Â meditated, and ate lots of raw fruits and veggies.Â I also watched some old comedies, which always seems to help me feel better.
During this illness my usual emotional regulators went completely offline.Â While watching Young Frankenstein,Â I totally lost it when the monster was climbing the castle wall at the end.Â It seemed like such a beautiful moment.Â I felt like a Vulcan suffering from Bendii syndrome.
OneÂ meditation I didÂ gave me some intense insights that I’m still coming to terms with.Â I realized I was hitting a lot of roadblocks when trying to go a certain direction, and this meditation allowed me to see why that was happening and that there was a far easier path I’d been completely overlooking.Â Sometimes an illness acts like a spiritual head smacking.
AnotherÂ meditation went so deep that it actually slid into a lucid dream while I was sitting on the couch.Â My conscious visualizationsÂ started giving way to a stream ofÂ unconscious imagery, andÂ I could see I was beginning to enter a dream state.Â I relaxed and went with it, and IÂ slipped into a very vivid dream while still conscious.Â That’s neverÂ happened to meÂ before.Â Previously lucidity had always been triggered while I was already in the dream state.Â I’ll have to try that again sometime.
I had some extremely deep and vivid nighttime dreams this week as well — the kind where it feels like I’ve spent days or weeks withinÂ the dream world.Â Â Last night I dreamt I was kidnapped by some “terrorist” group and transported to a country in the Middle East, where I was held hostage.Â IÂ was allowed to moveÂ around within a small community and interact with the people there, but I couldn’t leave the country.Â However, I still had my laptop computer and an Internet connection,Â and I was encouraged toÂ blog about the whole experience.Â I toldÂ my captorsÂ I’d cooperate on the condition that I would only post theÂ truth — if they wanted me to post anything false orÂ withhold anything true, they’d have to kill me first.Â They agreed and said it was all they wanted.Â I spent the next two months walking around, observing, talking to people, and writing.Â Despite being a “hostage”, I never felt trapped because the joyfulÂ backgroundÂ buzz of awarenessÂ was still present everywhere.Â It was just a matter of adapting to a new environment.
This seemed like more than just a routine illness.Â It’s like I was going through some kind of spiritual/emotional purging.Â This sort of thing has happened to me a few times before.Â In 2004 I had a string of nearly identical illnesses, always with the same symptoms.Â Every time IÂ would get some decent momentum going with my games business, I got sick and was down for a week.Â It became really irritating.Â I must have had about 10 fevers that year.Â Eventually I stopped fighting and decided to turn within and do a lot of soul searching, since I didn’t have the energy to do much else.Â Â That led to a major career transition with the launch of StevePavlina.com in late 2004.Â Shortly afterÂ that theÂ string of illnesses just ended.Â Now I suspect I’m getting another knock on the door.
I’m sure some peopleÂ consider illness to be a purely physical, objective phenomenon caused by wee beasties.Â I’m not one of those people… although I’m sometimes classified as one of the beasties.Â
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